求一篇托福范文

internationaly language 形名搭配错误
many student 可数名词应用复数形式
a early age: 冠词误用
english knowledge 请检查是否使用正确
phenomenan 拼写错误
is superior than 建议改成 is superior to
only所修饰的副词、介词短语或状语从句位于句首时，要用倒装语序。建议改为by characters can chinese literature
古典文化一般表达为 classical culture
owne建议改为own,
建议你直接到新东方的批改网提交一下，有外教批改，还能给你范文重写什么的，打的分也比较准
我从那改过，还不错。还有品论、修改意见什么的

新东方批改网作文“七步”评分流程
1 明确批改级别
2 查看作文题目
3 通览作文冰雨反馈区做简单评语
4 逐行批改作文，指出并修改错误，同时表明错误类型
5 对作文的逻辑结构，论据相关性，行文连贯性等问题在评论区进行评论
6 给出作文在以下e799bee5baa6e79fa5e98193e4b893e5b19e339四项评分指标方面的分值：
Response to the prompt
切题
Organization
文章结构
Development and Details
内容展开及逻辑性
Grammar
语法准确性
7 换算成相应考试的作文评分

首先在考试的时候，上来就直接把这个问题重复一遍。但是要改写，比如第一句，有的人喜欢在放假出去玩的时候，提前做很多安排，计划，有的人就从来不做任何计划，就直接去玩了。
然后，你就马上表达你的观点。这个观点没有任何限制，可以选前者，可以选后者，或者说两者都有道理。我当时就写到："其实各有个的好处，不过我就是喜欢临场发挥的那种。"
前者有他的好处，为什么呢？（一定要用具636f7079e799bee5baa6e79fa5e98193331体，生动的例子来解释，这样别人就信服了，就读的下去了）前者的好处是---做任何事情提前安排都有好处，比如假如我提前一个月预定飞机票，可以节省好几百元（不要说节省很多钱，说好几百元）。另外提前研究了，我可以去我想去的地方，比如我喜欢看熊猫，我也想看乐山大佛，但我要提前策划好我的路线。
但我就是后者，为什么呢？我从来都爱做冲动选择，即兴发挥，看心情，我可能当时特别想去看电影，但是去了以后可能突然又不想看了，我也可能又突然想去野三坡玩，既然我特想，我就一定会去做，这样会觉得很刺激，很新奇。
最后，你表达完了你的观点，用具体事情SUPPORT了你的观点后，再把你的文章开头换一个模式重复一下，这篇文章就OK了。这种框架学会了，考试直接套。当时写文章15分钟就交卷了，得了满分。

这是戴云教主修改的一篇范文，希望对你有帮助！

People should not pay for the public transportation. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons or examples or support your ideas.

There are all kinds (of ways 去掉) of public transportation all over the world, which play (the) (an)important role in people’s daily lives. Although nearly (这里用almost或者nearly都可以， 共同点1：两者均可表示“几乎”、“差不多”，有时可换用：但有时almost比nearly表示更接近的程度，用于 any 以及 no, none, nobody, nothing, never 等否定词前，可用almost，但不能用 nearly, nearly 前可用 very, pretty, not 等词修饰，但 almost 之前不能用这些词：)everybody in different countries needs to use the public transportation, people’s attitudes towards it are entirely different. Some people insist that people should pay nothing for their using (usage) of the public transportation. (pay nothing = free of charge) Meanwhile, those who are strongly opposed to it (这个用法你使用的很好， be opposed to something) cite that people should pay for it if they want to take the advantage of the convenience (有take the convenience of something 的用法么？我没有找到，你如果有这方面的例子，可以告诉我) of the public transportation. From my own perspective, the latter one is more favorable even though I myself am one of the persons who need to spend money when take the public transportation.

The first reason I want to put forward to support the cause of paying (cause 一般指不好的事情，比如说事故的起因，在这里用有点不合适，这一句话这e68a84e799bee5baa6e997aee7ad94335么说是可以的，但是有点绕，可以直接说 The first reason I use to support my statement) is that any government needs enough money to build up and perfect infrastructures including the public transportation which are of great benefit to the entire people in one country. And where do governments get the money for constructions? People who have some basic common sense should know that it is (from) the pockets of all the citizens where governments get money. Here someone who opposes to (这里用be opposed to doing/something 或者是 oppose something/doing sthing, 但是没有oppose to do something这个用法的) pay money will probably jump out to claim that now that governments levy taxes they should not ask people for money when they use the public transportation. I will give my point view (观点是point of view)which is directed against this statement. My opinion is that to build up perfect public transportation nets involving subways，buses and any other traffic transportations or auxiliary installations needs huge public tax subsidies. If all the people use the public transportation for free, it will mean that governments will spend much more money to support the operation of the public transportation. Maybe there won’t be enough money to carry on new constructions. The financial burden of governments resulting from free public transportation might vastly increase and reach the point where they (这里指代有点不明)cannot stand. If we also think over the large amount of fuels used by traffic transportations and the salaries paid to staffs who work to operate the public transportations, I think everyone can reach the conclusion that if one country isn’t so rich that all the people can enjoy high welfare in every area of daily lives(是否可以表达成 if one country is not rich enough to guaranty that all the citizens are covered with the high welfare in every aspects of their daily lives), maybe it’s unavoidable to pay when using the public transportation (the payment for using the public transportation is almost unavoidable). 你可以看一下那个表达方式更好

Another important reason (which) cannot be ignored is that the number of passengers will undoubtedly increase rapidly just like traveling by skyrocket (这里可以说 will undoubtedly be skyrocket/skyrocketing就可以表达你想说的意思了)in case of the totally free public transportation. As we know, public transportation plays an irreplaceable role in people’s daily social life. Particularly in some metropolis like New York, London and Beijing, there is an amazing flow volume of passenger using public transportation everyday. Just imagine the rapidly growing population taking public transportation instead of private vehicles or walking in case that the tickets are free. And the traffic system is likely to be disordered. Can you imagine the picture that hundreds of thousands of people crowd (are crowding, 因为你的picture描述的是一个进行中的状态，所以用进行时更好，而且要注意并列成分的关系) in subways, or hectometers of long lines in airports are waiting for check in? Beijing’ subways can be taken as a typical example. According to the CCTV, during the three-day vacation of the May Day, there were nearly 14 million people choose (注意在there be 举行中的动词要用进行时或是被动态而不是动词原形，所以这里应该用choosing)subways to go for a journey. How terrible it is! It will be too crowded to stand if the public transportation is totally free. Consequently, to avoid this disaster, chargeable tickets are needed.